No one can diss you quite like your family, and that goes double if you have kids. Without that learned filter of decorum, kids can be straight up ruthless with their insults. And most of the time it doesn’t even come from a malicious place, which somehow makes it even more of a low blow? But entertaining, nonetheless.
And if you’ve been on the receiving end of a kiddie roast, just know you are not alone. Recently parents shared some of the more heinous razzes they’ve gotten from their own offspring on the very popular r/Parenting subreddit.
It all started when someone asked, “How did your child roast you recently?” Below are some of our favorite responses.
From the unintentionally savage…
“We went to a dance and I told my daughter I really liked dancing with her. She responded ‘I liked dancing alone.’”
Dancing by myself, I guess…
“Are your legs wide because they’re so muscular? (Me – well, not quite) Oh so they’re just fat then?”
“Where’s mom?” “She’s on the couch like she always is!”
“My mom got my son a watch (he’ll be 3 in June). He wanted me to put it on him. I fumbled a bit and he looked up at me and asked, ‘are you not good at this?’ It was such an innocent tone 😂🤦🏼♀️”
“When my daughter was about 8, she saw my birth year on paper and yelled ‘You were born in the One Thousands???’ I thought calling it ‘the 1900s’ sounded bad enough, I about died at the ‘One Thousands.”
To the downright dark…
“I was kissing on my six year old and she was wiping them off saying ‘no more kisses!!’ And I said ‘there will always be kisses! When you’re 40 I’ll still be giving you kisses!!’ And she goes ‘you won’t be alive when I’m 40.’”
“I was very sick over the weekend and my husband brought my son to the bedroom to say goodnight after not seeing me all day because I was in bed sick.
Husband: look, it’s mommy!
2 year old: that’s not mommy, that’s scary.”
Ouch.
To the roasts that were meant to be compliments, making them the most brutal of all…
“My 3 year-old-son asked me why I’m not very good at drawing. I said ‘Different people are good at different things’ to which he responded ‘Like how you’re good at sitting.’ Felt like a double burn.”
“One year for Mother’s Day, my son filled out the sheet the teacher gave and one question was ‘What are your mom’s favorite things to do’ and he answered ‘Taking naps and watching TV.’ Lmao.”
“My 7yo daughter: ‘Even though you’re my Mom, I still kind of like you.’ Thanks sweetheart… I think? 😂”
Thanks, Sweetheart?
“I like it a lot when you’re talking, but I hate it when you sing. But I love it a lot when you sound like a monkey!”
And as any parent of teenagers will tell you, the “fun” doesn’t stop when they get older…
“I was at a check-in counter for something (it’s been awhile, can’t remember what for) and the worker needed to confirm my age. My son (12) proceeded to remove the hat from my head, exposing my receding hairline and said ‘yeah, he’s old enough.’”
“Daughter just turned 15 and so I asked if she wanted to get her learners permit (because I take her down to the farm a ton to drive anyways) ‘After seeing how you drive…that’s gonna be a no.’”
You do you, then!
Wow, with kids like these, who needs enemies? Still, as vicious as they are, you’ve got to love a kid who’s not afraid to speak their mind.