**1\.** [**fabulizzard**](https://9gag.com/u/fabulizzard) 989 points
> As a kid I used to cross my arms under my shirts and pretender like I didn’t have any. One time I did this while rocking with my chair at the breakfast table. I fell throat first on the edge of the table and pushed my laryngeal into my throat. I couldn’t breathe and fainted. I woke up on our kitchen table. Everything was swept off of it and my dead reanimating me. That day my dad cried the whole day and I had to go to school anyways.
**2\.** [**saborlas**](https://9gag.com/u/saborlas) 1210 points
> Junior high. The bully squad at the pool decided that they were sick of me wrecking the grading curve. I suddenly found myself surrounded. Then I found myself underwater. They were literally standing on my chest to keep me on the pool floor. Lifeguard figured out what was going on just in time, as my vision was starting to go.
> I don’t like to swim any more. And don’t tell me bullying is harmless. This was attempted murder.
**3\.** [**wolfskonig**](https://9gag.com/u/wolfskonig) 596 points
> I was bitten by a coral snake while camping in the woods in Southern Florida. It took me an hour to get to a hospital. I died when I got there, had a crazy out of body experience. Woke up a month later from a coma and couldn’t move anything but my eyes. Took me 6 months to be able to walk again.
**4\.** [**azivegu**](https://9gag.com/u/azivegu) 276 points
> When I was 8 or something I was mountain biking with my best friend. I was going downhill with a fair amount of speed when at the bottom there was a patch of sand. When my front wheel reached said sand it became furiously curious and decided to stop to further investigate. My rear wheel was as of yet unaware of this situation, but soon we all understood something was afoul. I’m no genius at physics, but it became clear that my mountain bike had transformed into something akin to a catapult as I was now released from my bicycle hurtling at considerable velocity to that which looked like a giant boulder, head first. Thankfully gravity caught note of my shenanigans and quickly returned me to my earthly duties by grinding my face into the rocks and dirt hauling my journey but mere inches from what could be described as near certain brain trauma.
> My mom was upset because I had ripped my jeans again, but hey, boys be boys.
**5\.** [**sauled**](https://9gag.com/u/sauled) 779 points
> 8th grade.
> Went to a water theme park
> Didn’t know swimming
> Jumped into wave pool
> Started moving towards the edge where the wave started
> Had to pass a few people clinging on the sides waiting for the wave
> Reached a point where it was pretty deep
> Tried to pass along 3 people on the way, with a long leap
> Unable to grab on to the side railing
> Started drowning
> Grabbed one of the person’s leg
> The guy got scared shitless because something just grabbed his leg in the pool
> Kicked me on my face
> This is how I die
> Good bye
> The guy told his friends that something grabbed his legs
> At least one of them was smart enough
> Dived down and brought me up.
**6\.** [**xxjajaxx7**](https://9gag.com/u/xxjajaxx7) 73 points
> Went for vacations to Croatia and spent the nights in a bungalow (basically a cheap flat) with my parents. The problem was that the pre-renters didn’t clean the bed etc and they had a cat. I’m highly allergic to cats. I breathed cat hairs for days and my respiration got so bad I couldn’t move or talk anymore. I had an asthmatic lung break down (don’t know the exact english word) and finally after all these days my parents decided to call the ambulance. The Doctor mentioned that one hour later I would have been dead. Thanks parents that you didn’t listen to me when I said I can’t breath and waited till I almost died.
**7\.** [**cderika**](https://9gag.com/u/cderika) 221 points
> Driving at 250+ km/h on the left lane of the Autobahn and some dickhead truck driver decides to overtake another truck without looking back or setting the turn signal while only driving at 80 km/h. I was about 100 meters away from the truck…
> I already saw myself burried beneath the freakin truck.
> Luckily my car had very very good brakes.
**8\.** [**rambush01_pro**](https://9gag.com/u/rambush01_pro) 41 points
> My family and I got hit by car on the highway and did 2 360 (horizontaly). Luckily my dad was driving and he had already had the same accident like 20y ago, so he kinda knew what to do… so we ended up alright
**9\.** [**azzameen85**](https://9gag.com/u/azzameen85) 346 points
> 7 years old.
> At the swim-lake (No swimming pools on Greenland, until I was 26).
> My older brother told me he’d teach me how to swim.
> But he basically left me alone to fend for myself.
> So I went off to another part of the lake. To stay away from my dumb brother.
> I jumped in the water… which turned out to be 3 meters deep. (9 feet, 16.8 bananas).
> I drowned.
> Next I know, my brother’s best friend had dragged me up and started giving me CPR.
> Coughed up lots of water. Was taken to the hospital.
> Now I live in Denmark. Plenty of swimming pools and the like here.
> I still haven’t learned to swim.
> I don’t like going to the beach neither. I got little to do.
**10\.** [**netherland_ball**](https://9gag.com/u/netherland_ball) 379 points
> I did an internship as a maintenance mechanic. At work we were working on a service panel and my colleague swore he cut the power, since it was normal voltage (220/230V). The panel was also supposed to be finger proof (not possible for you to touch any part that’s powered). Well wouldn’t you know? He didn’t take off the power so when I touched the ‘naked’ wire I got zapped. Really hard. All I could see was a white light. And I honestly didn’t feel anything.
> Woke up several minutes later gasping for air, my colleagues around me and a first aid provider next to me.
> Moral of the story: Always ALWAYS double check, even if your colleague swore he cut the power.
**Bonus:** [**nickoale**](https://9gag.com/u/nickoale) 1583 points
> I was born dead, and I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for those damn doctors restarting my heart.
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